April 16, 2024 — For those you know who are grieving, here’s an idea Contributing Cardie Amy Beamer Murray once shared with us: “When someone loses a loved one, I send a card about three months later as part of what I call ‘aftercare.’ After the funeral has long since passed, the phone calls are fewer and farther between, and there hasn’t been a sign of a floral arrangement or casserole in weeks — but the burden of grief is still so heavy that you can physically feel it — that’s when I send a grief support card.”
The design above is dedicated to dear friend and Contributing Cardie Gay Gelman, who lost her beloved sister Joy back in August of 2021. Gay believes, “Every death takes different things from us and, after each loss, we respond to life differently.
“As hard as it was to lose my mother at nearly 97,” Gay said, “she’d prepared me. She never used the word death. Ever. Instead, she’d refer to, ‘When the inevitable happens.’ For example, she might say, ‘Honey, let’s discuss arrangements for when the inevitable happens.’ To that, I’d whine, ‘Oh, Mom, I don’t want to talk about that because I’m gonna miss you so much.’ And she’d say, ‘It’s just another part of life, honey, and you’re going to be fine.’ I took it really as a directive to me, ‘I want you to be fine, Gay, and you will be fine.’
“But, Joy; I hadn’t prepared myself to lose Joy — she always said she wanted to live to 120, took such good care of herself, and she’d already beat cancer four times! We were so close. In the nearly three years that she’s been gone, not a day has gone by that I haven’t wanted to call her to share something. At first, I was so terribly sad, and I knew Joy would say, ‘Gay, don’t let the devil steal your joy!’
“So to keep my sense of joy,” Gay explained, “I’m moving back to Chicago after a decade in L.A. I’m feeling more joyful just knowing I’m going home, surrounding myself with so many kind and fun family members and friends who make me laugh. You know, in Jewish tradition, you’re encouraged to fully get back into life a year after a loss. I’m a slow learner; I gave myself two!”
A year ago this coming Sunday, Contributing Cardie Marilyn Steidle lost her husband Jim to Alzheimer’s. Marilyn told us, “I have had a long time to mourn. I thought we would have many golden retirement years together, but it was not to be.”
Back in 2022, Marilyn had submitted the very clever message that became Passages 94105, the retirement design that reads, “Since I retired, people ask what I do all day. I say, ‘Nothing! And it takes me all day to do it.’ Enjoy Your Retirement”
As lighthearted as that card message is, Marilyn told us, “On a more serious note, I have been thinking what we could say in a card for caregivers of those with Alzheimer’s. Along the lines of ‘thinking of you,’ but more personal, more poignant. A comforting card for those of us in the trenches.
“Our little granddaughter, age seven, has only known her ‘Pop’ with Alzheimer’s,” Marilyn tenderly explained, “and she loves him as is, unconditionally. When I warned her that Pop might not know her anymore, she never skipped a beat, saying, ‘That’s okay, Mimi, he will remember me in his heart.’ Out of the mouths of babes.”
After reading that, we reached right back out to Allie’s wise and witty Mimi with a preview of what became Passages card 94116. We asked if she agreed that her precocious grandchild had just captured “the more personal, more poignant and comforting message for those of us in the trenches” Marilyn had imagined.
Allie’s card was published in January 2023, and we soon heard from a tickled Marilyn, “I showed Allie the article about her and Pop in your catalog and, at first, she didn’t know what to make of it. But when it clicked, she asked, ‘Am I famous?!’ What an honor! Better than being a TikTok star and gives her great ‘street cred,’” Marilyn said. When we marveled at Marilyn’s ability to honor emotions — the joy and the pain — she graciously said, “Thank you so much for your kind words. I try to live in the moment and not waste time wallowing; life is too short.”
That summer, we heard from Marilyn again, “Sadly, we lost Pop on April 21. He passed much as he lived: quietly, peacefully, surrounded by love. I always knew he was beloved in our town, but the turnout at his funeral mass was astonishing.” Marilyn shared that, “Over the years, I think I started to forget what he was like when he was ‘whole.’ All the memories, stories, photos, tributes, etc. that followed his passing brought everything back. I am at peace, no regrets.
“We are all well, happy, and healing,” she updated us last week. “Allie continues to be a source of fun and amazement. Early in the morning the day after Jim passed, she had an ugly cry at the kitchen island, then curled up with me on the sofa and asked, ‘Mimi, so now are you single?’ I stifled a laugh and she followed up with, ‘Are we getting a new pop? ‘Cause I don’t want a new Pop!’
“Several weeks later,” Marilyn said, “over lunch at a Chick-fil-A, Allie and I noticed senior citizen ‘Steve’ wiping down tables, refreshing drinks, greeting patrons, etc. Allie leaned over and whispered to me, ‘Steve seems nice; maybe he would be a good Pop.’ She’s always on the lookout for me; where’s Richard Gere when I need him?!?!”
Yes, mixed in with all the sadness is our joy … just waiting for the right time to bloom again.
Jodee Stevens
Founder & Chief Creative
April 16, 2024 — For those you know who are grieving, here’s an idea Contributing Cardie Amy Beamer Murray once shared with us: “When someone loses a loved one, I send a card about three months later as part of what I call ‘aftercare.’ After the funeral has long since passed, the phone calls are fewer and farther between, and there hasn’t been a sign of a floral arrangement or casserole in weeks — but the burden of grief is still so heavy that you can physically feel it — that’s when I send a grief support card.”
The design above is dedicated to dear friend and Contributing Cardie Gay Gelman, who lost her beloved sister Joy back in August of 2021. Gay believes, “Every death takes different things from us and, after each loss, we respond to life differently.
“As hard as it was to lose my mother at nearly 97,” Gay said, “she’d prepared me. She never used the word death. Ever. Instead, she’d refer to, ‘When the inevitable happens.’ For example, she might say, ‘Honey, let’s discuss arrangements for when the inevitable happens.’ To that, I’d whine, ‘Oh, Mom, I don’t want to talk about that because I’m gonna miss you so much.’ And she’d say, ‘It’s just another part of life, honey, and you’re going to be fine.’ I took it really as a directive to me, ‘I want you to be fine, Gay, and you will be fine.’
“But, Joy; I hadn’t prepared myself to lose Joy — she always said she wanted to live to 120, took such good care of herself, and she’d already beat cancer four times! We were so close. In the nearly three years that she’s been gone, not a day has gone by that I haven’t wanted to call her to share something. At first, I was so terribly sad, and I knew Joy would say, ‘Gay, don’t let the devil steal your joy!’
“So to keep my sense of joy,” Gay explained, “I’m moving back to Chicago after a decade in L.A. I’m feeling more joyful just knowing I’m going home, surrounding myself with so many kind and fun family members and friends who make me laugh. You know, in Jewish tradition, you’re encouraged to fully get back into life a year after a loss. I’m a slow learner; I gave myself two!”
A year ago this coming Sunday, Contributing Cardie Marilyn Steidle lost her husband Jim to Alzheimer’s. Marilyn told us, “I have had a long time to mourn. I thought we would have many golden retirement years together, but it was not to be.”
Back in 2022, Marilyn had submitted the very clever message that became Passages 94105, the retirement design that reads, “Since I retired, people ask what I do all day. I say, ‘Nothing! And it takes me all day to do it.’ Enjoy Your Retirement”
As lighthearted as that card message is, Marilyn told us, “On a more serious note, I have been thinking what we could say in a card for caregivers of those with Alzheimer’s. Along the lines of ‘thinking of you,’ but more personal, more poignant. A comforting card for those of us in the trenches.
“Our little granddaughter, age seven, has only known her ‘Pop’ with Alzheimer’s,” Marilyn tenderly explained, “and she loves him as is, unconditionally. When I warned her that Pop might not know her anymore, she never skipped a beat, saying, ‘That’s okay, Mimi, he will remember me in his heart.’ Out of the mouths of babes.”
After reading that, we reached right back out to Allie’s wise and witty Mimi with a preview of what became Passages card 94116. We asked if she agreed that her precocious grandchild had just captured “the more personal, more poignant and comforting message for those of us in the trenches” Marilyn had imagined.
Allie’s card was published in January 2023, and we soon heard from a tickled Marilyn, “I showed Allie the article about her and Pop in your catalog and, at first, she didn’t know what to make of it. But when it clicked, she asked, ‘Am I famous?!’ What an honor! Better than being a TikTok star and gives her great ‘street cred,’” Marilyn said. When we marveled at Marilyn’s ability to honor emotions — the joy and the pain — she graciously said, “Thank you so much for your kind words. I try to live in the moment and not waste time wallowing; life is too short.”
That summer, we heard from Marilyn again, “Sadly, we lost Pop on April 21. He passed much as he lived: quietly, peacefully, surrounded by love. I always knew he was beloved in our town, but the turnout at his funeral mass was astonishing.” Marilyn shared that, “Over the years, I think I started to forget what he was like when he was ‘whole.’ All the memories, stories, photos, tributes, etc. that followed his passing brought everything back. I am at peace, no regrets.
“We are all well, happy, and healing,” she updated us last week. “Allie continues to be a source of fun and amazement. Early in the morning the day after Jim passed, she had an ugly cry at the kitchen island, then curled up with me on the sofa and asked, ‘Mimi, so now are you single?’ I stifled a laugh and she followed up with, ‘Are we getting a new pop? ‘Cause I don’t want a new Pop!’
“Several weeks later,” Marilyn said, “over lunch at a Chick-fil-A, Allie and I noticed senior citizen ‘Steve’ wiping down tables, refreshing drinks, greeting patrons, etc. Allie leaned over and whispered to me, ‘Steve seems nice; maybe he would be a good Pop.’ She’s always on the lookout for me; where’s Richard Gere when I need him?!?!”
Yes, mixed in with all the sadness is our joy … just waiting for the right time to bloom again.
Jodee Stevens
Founder & Chief Creative
Great Cardie story today. Oh and you made me cry a little again. I guess I sum it up to keeping an open mind and an open heart as Allie did. Thank you Jodee, Amy, Gay and Marilyn. Good thoughts! Well shared!
Those I love who have left this earth come back to me in my dreams. It is always great to see them. I take great joy in telling the spirited stories of my favorite Aunt. Think of Bette Midler times 100. That was Aunt Nippie – she was shocking at times and always full of fun & joy.