JULY 16, 2015 – You’d think it would be easy enough to do: Play More, Worry Less. But, for me at least, it never has been. I come from a long line of world-class worriers and, in 2014, broke all records … if you follow Cardthartic, you might remember me sharing that a year ago we uncovered our GM had been embezzling (while also generally mismanaging). I can now say that it’s all good — we recovered the money and became a stronger company in every way. What’s not so good was how I worked and worried myself into an unhealthy mess in the process.
Over six months spent putting things right, I regret to say I stressed out, woefully wondering how I’d missed the wrongdoing, and fearing what other shoes might drop. Even as we ended the year with the business more than solid and the future bright, I continued to conjure up things to fret about. And sadly began treating kind friends and family like 1-800-WOE IS ME. (:-(
Having literally worried myself sick and tired, I hit bottom on March 1st, my 60th birthday. Traditionally, I celebrate with a cartwheel — it’s aways been a very freeing and fun way of reminding myself that I still have it in me. Except this year, when I didn’t. Worry had ground my adrenals down to a halt — I could barely make it off the couch, much less consider doing cartwheels or enjoy creating new cards. Truly scary.
So I went to what turned out to be the most nurturing place I’ve ever been — Red Mountain Resort in the gorgeous red rocks of Utah — promising my concerned colleagues that I would leave all worldly cares behind, and head home only when I felt truly ready. I admitted to the staff of compassionate wellness experts that I’d been running on empty for too long and was there to fill back up again, and do you know one of the first things each of them asked me was: “What do you do for play?!” Lost for an answer, I considered saying, “Well, I created this really fun Play More, Worry Less card that’s now also a magnet (:-)”, but soon realized that message is one I was there to learn. “Play,” they’d repeat slowly and not unkindly, “as in laugh, be silly, dance, act goofy.” Hmm. I emailed friends that “I feel like I’m in Type-A Reform School.” In a good way.
Actually, Red Mountain was like a remarkable grown-up girls camp, full of bright and accomplished women, all skilled in the art of self-care. These wonderful wise ones advised that a good place to begin being better to myself was by simply breathing, snoozing, making it to the marvelous meals and melting at the touch of a gifted masseuse. (I could do that :-) Next, I began leisurely lap swimming each morning, doing soothing yoga and tai chi on the rocks at sunset, and silently walking the 40-ft spiral labyrinth every time the spirit moved me. Slowly but surely, with newfound friends and energy, I began hiking, kayaking and horseback riding. It helped that courtesy reigned, cell phones were rarely seen, we ate like queens, and never talked about business or anything of concern … unless you count the one night that gracious, soft-spoken Dianne from San Francisco leaned over the hammock where I lay star-gazing and quietly asked, “Jodee, would you be willing to role play?” When I said, “Sure. Who do you need me to be?” she didn’t skip a beat: “My demented dick of a boss.” Hahaha, over the next couple of hours, I enjoyed more laughs courtesy of Dianne’s crazy, wicked wit than I had in I don’t know how long. I was playing more! Hallelujah!!!
As for worrying less, I learned tons … one recovering worrywart shared that 1) she will sit herself down and say, “You have done your absolute best to sort out this situation, and now must let that be enough. It is no longer your worry.” and 2) she keeps a short list of her proudest accomplishments in a bedside drawer. “Rather than lose sleep over a challenge I’m facing, I read my list and easily see that someone who was able to overcome so much in the past has no reason to doubt herself now! It quickly shows me the craziness of my worries.” I learned that, if you’ve become convinced that you’re just too antsy to sit and reap the benefits of meditation, don’t. “Sit,” I mean. Apparently, some of us do better with “moving” meditation — lap swimming or walking with the intention of getting a clear start each morning, and then using gentle yoga or tai chi to smooth things out again in the evening or before bed. And, whether moving or sitting, deeper meditation will come more readily if we do a bit of journaling aka “venting on paper” before we begin.
Because Red Mountain guests generally stay a week or two — and I ended up giving myself one full life-changing month — I had the opportunity to meet many new friends-for-life. I wholeheartedly agreed when they’d kindly say, “Wow, it must feel great to have built a business and strong staff that enables you to just stay and stay.” Yes, I said, and — for all our sakes — I vow to never again let work and worry undermine me. It was so cool, you know how I knew all this good self-care had filled me back up enough to return home and enjoy creating cards again? My first inkling was when I saw a large framed photo of a peace symbol that had been drawn in the rich red Utah dirt and thought, “This image really belongs on a Passages card … and I want to write it!” Next, I noticed that a lovely Chicagoan named Wendy kept leaving cards with the front desk to give certain guests at check-out. “I really enjoyed spending time with these women,” she explained to me, “and want to be sure they know what a pleasure it was meeting them!” Yep, I thought, cards are good. And, finally, one evening after a meditation class, I was strolling back across the beautiful blooming desert grounds to my room and, on a big stretch of lush green lawn, found myself doing not one cartwheel, but five!
Since returning, I’ve stayed in touch with Wendy and Dianne and a dozen other caring, funny and supportive new friends, now back at desks from Maui to Ottawa to Boston to Tuscany. It’s not like we can hang at the pool all day but, through cards and calls, Facebook and email, we can share the little reminder: Play More, Worry Less! By asking if I’m still doing tai chi or saying, “Let’s make a phone date because do I have a funny story to tell you!” they’re helping me stay true to me, and I hope hearing about them inspires you to nurture your own sisterhood, too. Who knows, if we all play our cards right, maybe one day there’ll be a Cardthartic meet-up at Red Mountain. Hehe, I can see us now: “Cartwheels at six, dinner at seven!” (:-D Be well.
~ jodee stevens
founder & chief creative
