February 4, 2022 — We’re holding a good thought for the safety of everyone battling blizzard conditions. If you plan to safely curl up this wintery weekend to write valentines before getting them in the mail on Monday, we wanted to share a lovely and very loving idea from Cardie Jeffrey Lazar.
You may recognize the name because we’ve mentioned Jeff here several times before. His very nice wife Barbara captured him perfectly when she said three years ago now, “Jeff told me he wrote to you, which didn’t surprise me at all. He knows how much your cards mean to me … I pick them and he orders them! Jeff is a friendly, kind, very nice man, a rabbi/educator who tutors Bar/Bat Mitzvah students.”
I feel fortunate to say that, since then, Reb Jeff has emailed me many enriching times. And, with his permission, we lifted the messages on the first two cards you see below from his marvelous missives! I’ve also enjoyed many enlivening conversations in which he regularly referenced Barb. “It was love at first sight for both of us and we’ve now been married 54 years.”
In the weeks leading up to last Christmas, Jeff took note of this cardie newsletter in which we proposed writing more meaningful messages in our holiday cards and letters. In it I’d wondered, “Wouldn’t it be great if we all went a bit deeper this year — if we told people how we feeeel about them and maybe even told them exactly what it is we so love about them?” 🥰 Well, the following day, I received one of Jeff’s great, thought-provoking emails.
“I read your latest cardie newsletter with interest,” he began. “It reflected many of the ideas I have shared with bar and bat mitzvah parents over the years. As they approach their child’s big moment, they often wonder what would be appropriate to say on this memorable occasion.
“I ask these parents if they’ve heard of an ethical will. I then explain that it is a love letter to someone you cherish for any number of reasons: their admirable qualities, things that they have done that demonstrate character and illustrate why you are so proud to have them in your life, and hopes that you have for their future. I point out how sad it would be if they never let their children know how important they are to them and why. And I propose that they use this special occasion to share these thoughts and feelings with their children.
“The parents say they find this immensely helpful,” Jeff shared, “because it helps them focus on what is really important to say, what they want their children to hear and to know. So your latest newsletter really hit the bullseye! ‘Kol hakavod’ (way to go!)”
The more I read about the ethical will, the more I loved the idea of writing one for Valentine’s Day. I said to Reb Jeff that I’d like to propose it to our cardie community to pursue in your own ways — telling your own stories and expressing your own love and hopes and dreams, then tucking these very personal love letters into a few select valentines. Jeff was all for it and, in pure-Jeff fashion, followed up to share the ethical will his wife had written their sons Peter and David in 1994. Wise and kind and big-hearted, like Barb.
With appreciation and admiration for this amazing couple and the sons so fortunate to have been raised and nurtured by them, what say we put our hearts into this, cardies. What cherished valentines these will be.
Jodee Stevens
Founder & Chief Creative
This email warmed my heart! Needed on this cold day digging out from ice and snow!
Always nice to be seen!
I can’t believe what I just read about the ethical will. Let me explain. My mom passed recently . She was 99 years of age and excited to plan her 100 th birthday party which would have been July 4, 2020. Unfortunately , time was not on her side and she passed of natural causes a few months before . Unbeknownst to her five children , she had my sister help her in writing each one of us , including her grandchildren and great children , a letter. A letter in which she told us just how much she loved us. A letter in which she thanked us for all the wonderful care and concern we gave her throughout her life . She spoke of my dads passing years before and how we rallied around her to give her love & support. Most of all she thanked God for giving her the most wonderful gift of all, her family . I still have that letter today and will cherish it forever . I intend to write an ethical will for my son . To let someone know how much you mean to them is a wonderful gift . Thank you for sharing that story in your newsletter .